I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
