i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
