Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sext me about skeletons
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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