Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
