Im at strip club and am horny
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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