ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
