I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
