After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
