i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
