I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
are you so shy because you have an std?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
