okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
