VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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