Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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