i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
