the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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