I can tuck mytits in my pants
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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