Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
