i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
