nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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