I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
