I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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