you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
