I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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