I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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