Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she pinky promised me she was 18
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
