HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
