I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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