explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
