I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
