complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
40s are totally the cure
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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