you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
