I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
