Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my poor anus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
His nipple licking is glorious
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