I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
