I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
