i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
