do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
