I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
