Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
