nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
