Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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