I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
