he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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