I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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