somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You are a genius and a whore.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
