Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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