The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
