How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You don't make any sense
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