Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
