Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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