Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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