Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
