So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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