new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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