too bad you live with your parents still
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
