I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
